i always ended failing my expectations. this is something that i actually want to get rid of myself..for a long time now. how many times do i have to say "why is this like this?" "what happened to that?" "goddamnit!! what the f*&%?"...and so forth and so on.. i don't know why, but it seems my eye and mind were always looking for flaws and my reaction was instant..i get annoyed. and worse, in tagalog..sinusumpong na naman ako! yeah! i admit i am very bad tempered..i shout and throw swear words..whenever..wherever. i always had it, probably a product of being diagnosed once of typhoid fever. but i don't want to take it as an excuse. 'course i always knew am a spoiled brat..and am not handing over the responsibility for that to others, neither that it would be my parents mistake..it's just me. me.
it's fathers day..my birthday and my cousin's wedding all in one day! all the occasions..all the chances of disappointments. as my friends and i would call it, "expectancy violation!" my father didn't call..he called yesterday. i was expecting him to call me and greet me a happy birthday. but he didn't. wham! one disappointment. all my request for my birthday (comprising of a balloon, cake, gulaman) are absent! pak! expectations failed! am hoping to take a good chance to take photos for the wedding, but atrociously..i forgot the camera. whooosshhh!! big flaw! actually..a lot more are listed at the back of my head, but i ain't writing it anymore in case someone who shouldn't read this entry might accidently browse on my page!
actually there is something worst! failing yourself...but then the homily today and the readings were like message of God to me. i am so thankful. that despite all failures and disappointments..there is Someone who oversee me always, whichever track i turn to. in storms and in calm..am being love. a love without flaws and failures..a loving God who never dwells in disappointments!Labels: erik tenedero happy birthday erik |
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